I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
