woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
