??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
