I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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