Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
