This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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