Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
