Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
