Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
