I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
