Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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