I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
