well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
