my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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