Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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