So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
