we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
