I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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