Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
