I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
