The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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