Im at strip club and am horny
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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