i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
