You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
