Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
