He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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