this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
