I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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