She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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