Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize