Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
