My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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