I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
