I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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