goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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