i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
