I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
