i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
