I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
