It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize