why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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