i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
