Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
