i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
