I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
