I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
