That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
