my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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