So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
