Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
