I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
