I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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