I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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