In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
