turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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