"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize