we have officially lost it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
