if only i could text you this smell
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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