I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
