i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
