Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What a dumb baby whore.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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