Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
