They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
