my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize