he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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