No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
