I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
