Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
